TUESDAY April 20, 2010

I WILL TRUST YOU (James Fortune)

One of the most difficult things to do is
find yourself in a storm and
while in that storm it seems like everyone who you
thought you could count on has
well walked away; and
Sometimes it seems like even God Himself has
forgotten about you.
But in spite of it all you should still be able
to lift your hands and say
"Lord, I trust You"
Even though I can’t see
and I can’t feel Your touch
I will trust You Lord
how I love You so much
though my nights may seem long
and I feel so alone
Lord my trust is in You
I surrender to You
so many painful thoughts
travel through my mind
and I wonder how
I will make it through this time
everything that I see
tells me not to believe
but I’ll trust You Lord
You have never failed me
my past still controls me
will this hurt ever leave?
I can only trust You
no one loves like You do
but I'll trust You
Lord it’s not easy
Sometimes the pain in my life
makes You seem far away
But I’ll trust You
I need to know You’re here
through the tears and the pain
through the heartache and rain
I can
I will
I must
trust You
I will
trust You

I surrender all, all to Jesus, I surrender.  Good morning, Lord.  There is no love sweeter than the love You pour on me.  There’s no song sweeter than the one You sing over me.  No one deserves my love more than You.  No person, no event, no excitement, no disappointment, nothing comes before You.  I repent of the sins and habits that I have committed against You.  I ask for Your mercy as I walk in this life.  I will enter Your gates with thanksgiving and I come into Your courts with Praise.  This is the day that You have made and I will rejoice and be glad in it.  That is the choice that I have made for today.

Trust.  You have been good, You have been faithful.  I am waiting on an answer to something really important.  Yesterday was supposed to be the final answer, I was supposed to know the answer at least by 5:00 in the afternoon.  Well, all day, I was suppressing the anxiety, the minutes clicked by.  I began getting anxious about 2:00 (as the final answer could have been earlier), no word, nothing.  I froze, I couldn’t think about anything else.  So….by 5:00, I was a mess.  I blew it, I called the person with the answer ???? and let them have it for their imperfection and incompetency.  The Lord spoke to my heart this morning and explained something to me.

First of all, I was into depending on myself to work this thing out.  Because of my “fixing” it, I got into fear (because I am incapable of making things work, I have no power)  I was afraid of the answer and that fear produced thoughts of perfection and expectation of others.  Where was faith?  Where was the knowledge that God works all things out for our good?  I was trying to be a “grown up” with childlike “abilities”.  I am so sorry.  “My yoke is easy and my burdens are light”.  Oh Lord, You have been good, You have been faithful through all generations.  You didn’t just stop with me, You are now and forever will be.  I relax in Your presence and accept the steps that You have put before me.  Today I am

Covered in Your Grace,

Mary Ann

MONDAY, April 19, 2010

HE KNOWS MY NAME (Tommy Walker)

I have a Maker
He formed my heart
Before even time began
My life was in his hands
I have a Father
He calls me His own
He'll never leave me
No matter where I go
He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
And He hears me when I call

One thing about doing this devotional, it pushes me to getting up and communicating with my Savior.  It’s Monday morning, time after a long, busy weekend.  My flesh would rather stay in bed and rest….but….here I am, Lord.  This song speaks to my heart.  You know my name, Lord, You know my every thought.  You see every tear that falls.  That is good news.  You never leave me.  Father, I thank You that You look over me and love me unconditionally.  I am so grateful that You chose me.  My life has been and is wonderful because of Your favor.  Thank You for loving me and giving everything for me.  This is a new day and I am grateful for it.

Londyn’s other grandmother told me a story about her that touches my heart.  The other day she took Londyn for the day.  She told me that all the way to where they were going Londyn would say, “Where Mommie go?, Where Daddy go?, Where Meme Go? And etc….She’s learning her other grandmother and didn’t “feel” quite as familiar with her as she did some of the other people in her life.  She was venturing out into new territory so to speak.  As I think of this, I think of the safety that we have in Jesus as we venture into new territory.  I can almost picture us as we stand behind Christ hiding in His safety, asking where so and so go?.  As we look around His protection into a unfamiliar scene, as we hear the rumbling of “things” going on, we might ask “is it safe out there, where did the familiar go”? 

I can almost hear Jesus speak to my heart, You are safe wherever you go and so now, Go!!! There are so many out there that need to hear us tell them about the safety that we can find behind the cloak of His garment.  He gives us the opportunity to rest in the safety of His arms.  He gives us the security that we need to “fight the fight”, “win the battle”.  We are the voice of His love, we are the arms of His forgiveness.  He who dwells in the safety of the Most High shall rest under the Shadow of the Almighty.  He is our Hiding Place.  We have an answer to the dilemmas that we see all around us.  We have something to proclaim, our words will make a difference in the world that we live in.  He has equipped us with His Power to proclaim the Good News.  Today I am

Going to new places,

Mary Ann

FRIDAY, April 16, 2010

ANNIE’S SONG (Travis Cottrell)

You fill up my senses
Like a night in the forest
Like the mountains in springtime,
Like a walk in the rain
Like a storm in the desert,
Like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses,
Come fill me again.
Come let me love you,
Let me give my life to you
Let me drown in your laughter,
Let me die in your arms
Let me lay down beside you,
Let me always be with you
Come let me love you,
Come love me again.
You fill up my senses
Like a night in the forest
Like the mountains in springtime,
Like a walk in the rain
Like a storm in the desert,
Like a sleepy blue ocean
You fill up my senses,
Come fill me again.

This is the day that the Lord has made and I WILL TO rejoice and be glad in it.  I now remember this song.  It was written as a secular song by John Denver.  It wasn’t written to be about the Lord, but it relates so well to the Lord.  You fill up my senses, come fill me again.  You, Oh Lord, are the essence of my life.  Even though there are so many minutes in the day filled with the “stuff” of life, You are ever present in my life.  How can I be even more keenly aware of Your presence in my life?  I remember a friend of mine that used to take “power naps”.  She would be visiting me and out of the blue ask if I minded if she took a little “power nap”.  She was extremely healthy and fit.  I thought this a little strange, but I had to look at the end result and apparently she was so aware of her body’s needs that she thought this was necessary for her health.  Remind me today of her Lord and I will take “power breaks” with You as I need to.  I want to be fit at the end of the day as I am fit in the early morning.

I read something in the middle of the night that encouraged me and I thought it might encourage my friends as well this morning.  Joel Osteen says, “Have you ever tried to drive a car forward while looking only in the rearview mirror?  You can’t do that and make good progress.  The same is true in life.  You can’t move ahead to the good if you are always looking back at the bad.”  I remembered another friend of mine that had lost his driver’s license because of DUI and he once told me that he would feel so free one day when he could drive his car without looking in the rearview mirror to make sure the police weren’t going to catch him driving without a license.  This morning thinking about that, it reminds me of the “Gotcha” mentality.  The enemy always does the “gotcha” thing.  God says, Forgiven, the enemy says “gotcha”.

Yesterday is gone, today is here.  It is a glorious, powerful day.  A gift that has been given to us.  A day to live in victory, forgetting those things in the past and pressing toward the prize that is set before us.  Jesus.  I will never again have this opportunity of today.  I have been “gotchaed” by a loving, kind, Father that draws us to repentance and says the ticket for our sins has been paid.  I will never be the same again.  I can drive the car of “life” looking forward to the exciting journey.  I will make the miles that I have been given.  I will lift high the Name of Jesus Christ.  I WILL TO take “power naps” as I pull my car over on the side of the road and then continue my journey.  I am SO EXCITED THAT I WAS CHOSEN.  Thank you for my “day” with my little princess and the weekend with my loving, kind husband and friends.  Today I am

Speechless and amazed,

Mary Ann

THURSDAY, April 15, 2010

2000 YEARS (Travis Cottrell)

If I could see 2000 years ago
Travel back in time and walk in the
Day when just one man turned this world upside down
If I could be a guest at the wedding, and
Taste the wine that was water moments before
Would I realize what was really in store
That there would be so much more
Would I fall down and worship?
Leave all that I treasured behind?
For a chance to be closer
To the Man who might
Be the One who saves my life?
If I hear His voice call to Lazarus
Stand and stare as my friend stumbles out of the tomb
Witness blind men see their first morning sky
Would I believe what He says to be true
If I was there the night soldiers took Him away
Would I flee the scene like most of His friends
Then watch on the cross what I thought was the end
What would I do then
Would I fall down and worship?
Leave all that I treasured behind?
For a chance to be closer
To the Man who might
Be the One who saves my life?
And what would it be like
After three days gone by
Would I believe what they said
Or wanna see with my own eyes
Put my hand on the scars
Only then realize
My Lord, my God, alive
Will I fall down and worship?
Leave all that I treasure behind?
For a chance to be closer
'Cause He is still alive
And the One who saves my life!

Busy.  Yesterday was busy(not free, committed to something that has previously been planned or arranged and so unable to undertake another activity).  That wraps it up.  I was unable to undertake another activity.  At the end of the day, I was spent.  I was emotionally tired then and “feel” emotionally tired even now as I have recharged through the night.  In my mind, Lord Jesus, is the pain and suffering that I see and hear around me.  I need to release this “stuff” to you.  I need to regain my joy, my carefree heart.  Yesterday, observing the pain, hearing the cries, seeing the struggling emails this morning, my heart is heavy.  Thank You, Lord Jesus that I can run to Your arms and know that You will hold me and let me know that I can rest now and know that You are in charge.  Know that I can talk to You about all these situations and You will listen to me.  To know that I can snuggle up in Your lap and You will change my mourning into dancing.  Thank You Father that I am busy about the “Father’s” business. 

I wasn’t designed to carry the Cross.  When I take the Cross of others, I am not free.  The weight of the Cross knocks me on the floor.  Just picture that…me laying flat on the floor with a cross crushing me.  I would surely be “busy” (not free) and unable to even move, much less help someone out.  Jesus was and is God and He was able to carry the Cross that gave me freedom.  The Cross was defeated.  He is Alive, Moving, Vibrant.  My heart has found its home.  “If He carried the weight of the world on His shoulders, I know He can carry me and my loved ones”. 

Your promise that You will always be with me, causes me to dance.  The fact that You are God and You hear me and my friends.  You are the answer to everything.  You only know good.  You won’t give up on us.  When God when, how God how?  Not sure, but I know yes. Jesus says to me,  “Yes, I love you and I will make the crooked paths straight.  Yes, I know what’s going on.  Yes, I will take all those problems from you.  Yes, step aside and watch me move those mountains.  Grab hold and ride with Me, feel the wind as we ride through the desert”.  “Like a walk in the rain, like a storm in the desert, like a sleepy, blue ocean.”  Fill me again, today, Lord.  I have been too busy.  Today I am

Backed up to the Gas Pump,

Mary Ann

WEDNESDAY, April 14, 2010

LIKE A LAKE (Sara Groves)

So much hurt and preservation
Like a tendril round my soul
So much painful information
No clear way on how to hold it
When everything in me is tightening
Curling in around this ache
I will lay my heart wide open
Like the surface of a lake
Wide open like a lake
Standing at this waters edge
Looking in at God's own heart
I've no idea where to begin
To swallow up the way things are
Everything in me is drawing in
Closing in around this pain
I will lay my heart wide open
Like the surface of a lake
Wide open like a lake
Bring the wind and bring the thunder
Bring the rain till I am tried
When it's over bring me stillness
Let my face reflect the sky
And all the grace and all the wonder
Of a peace that I can't fake
Wide open like a lake
Everything in me is tightening

Everything in me is tightening
Curling in around this ache
I am fighting to stay open
I am fighting to stay open
Open open oh wide open
Open like a lake

Here I am this morning standing at the water’s edge looking into God’s own heart.  I’ve no idea how to swallow up the way things are.  Everything in me is tightening.  I am fighting to stay open.  Open.  Retreating is a easier way.  Is easier what I desire to do?  No, it isn’t.  I have to face “it” head on.  I have to run toward the battle, not away from it.  Thoughts.  Why is it that the “random” things, the “random” comments hit me so hard?  When the obvious battles hit me, I can handle them….but….it’s the small things, the little comments, things that happen that don’t seem to matter that affect me.  Wide open.  Lord, I am open to You this morning.  I am sorry that I got so “busy” yesterday that I didn’t run to my Hiding Place.  Since I didn’t Hide in You, I was open to the attacks that come from “life” and the enemy of my soul.  Today I am tight, I need You to unwind me and leave me wide open.  Open.  Can I really be open and let others hear it?  Do I have that courage?  I desire the rain that only You can give that will wash away the “dirt” from my heart.  I can’t fake it, I have to know that You are laying me besides still waters. 

Mary anointed Jesus with expensive perfume before he was buried according to Mark 14.  The commentary says …”it was a normal Jewish custom to anoint a body with aromatic oils in preparing it for burial.  Jesus seems to anticipate suffering a criminal’s death, for only in that circumstance was there no anointing of the body”.  A friend of mine that was considered to many a “criminal” just died….so I can understand “dying a criminal’s death”.  His family and close associates loved him, but to the general population, he was considered a criminal.  I felt the shame for him, I felt the disdain of society against him, I was grieved in my heart over his death.  What does this have to do with the death of Jesus?  Jesus was not a criminal, He was treated horrible, He never deserved any of that.  He was the Son of God, the Creator of Life, the Bright and Morning Star.  He had never cheated anyone.  He only knew good, He was perfect.  Then Why?????  Why did He die like that?

For me and for you.  He loved us that much.  Amazing!!!  How can it be that God would die as a criminal?  That was the price for sinful man.  The good news is that He arose like a King!!!  He conquered death, hell and the grave.  He might have died in shame, but He arose in victory.  Something that struck me about Mary’s anointing Him with oil is that even though to the outside world, it seemed he had died in defeat, His Father knew better and had Mary anoint Him like a non-criminal would be anointed before burial and then later on in the Scriptures, it says that after the Cross, he was again anointed with oil.  No Sir, His Father would make sure that he was taken care of, no matter what the general population thought.  Because of that we don’t have to hang our head in shame (no matter if we or the general population) think we are criminals.  We are all criminals according to the Scriptures, our Righteousness is as “filthy” rags.  Sometimes our filth just shows up more than others….but because of our acceptance of God’s righteousness we are ruling and reigning with Christ in High Places.  We are Royal Heirs.  Jesus paid it all and all to Him I give.  We have been given a place of honor, we are the head and not the tail, we are up front and not behind and it’s all because of a “criminal’s” death.  Thank You Lord Jesus.  Today I am

Going to a funeral,

Mary Ann

TUESDAY, April 13, 2010

HIDING PLACE (Sara Groves)

Early when the day is new

Before the stirring,

I will come to talk to You and

Confess the ways I’m broken

To recall the words You’ve spoken

And to try to comprehend the love You have for me

You are my hiding place,

You fill my broken heart with songs

Songs of deliverance, You sing of how the weak grow strong

And I believe You for You save me from my darkness and my shame

And I believe You for I hear Your song of beauty and grace

You never meant for me to walk alone

You are always for me

As the truest lover of my soul, You hear my desperate calling

You have kept my feet from falling

You have set me on this rock on which I’m standing now

You are my hiding place

You are my hiding place

And I believe

And I believe

I sure didn’t “feel” like getting up this morning.  I truly wanted to crawl back into bed and rest.  Nothing particularly wrong, just a desire to “lay off work” today.  Wouldn’t you know Lord, that the first sentence of this song talks about getting up early in the morning before the “stirring” and talk to You?  You are so personal, Lord and I love that.  If we look for You, we can find You.  So I abandon my flesh this morning and Praise You and tell You how much I appreciate You.  I “feel” surrounded by Your love for me.  You are my hiding place.  My soul is stirred and moved by Your Presence in my life.  This is the most important part of my day.  I believe by faith that You are sitting here in this room with me.  The Scriptures say, “Where could I go that You are not there?”

You never meant for me to walk alone.  “Before the stirring”.  You set me on this rock on which I’m standing.  I “need” to stop everything and just spend time meditating on this song.  There isn’t anything really going on in my mind, except the realization of how much I am truly loved.  To realize that the whole world and everyone in it could turn their back on me and You, Oh, Lord will never turn away from me.  Scriptures say that I am the apple of Your eye.  You are my hiding place.  You are where I go to get the breath for my soul.  I will stop breathing and die if I don’t have Your presence in my life. 

You have kept my feet from falling, I believe You for You save me from my darkness and shame.  My friends, if You get this song from me, stop and meditate on it before you start your day.  That is what I am going to do.  If you don’t get this from me, look it up on ITunes or something else.  It will minister to you.  So right now, I am

Meditating,

Mary Ann

MONDAY April 12, 2010

WHAT WE PROCLAIM (Aaron Shust)

I praise You Lord Jesus.  I am grateful for Your love towards me.  I worship You and bow at Your feet.  Even though You aren’t physically in this room, I “feel” as though You are sitting right here with me.  I use this time to pour out my heart to You.  Even if I fall sometimes, I will have the strength to rise.  “Don’t give up, don’t give in”.  When I “feel” as though I can’t walk, you lift me from my chair and tell me that You will carry me if I can’t walk alone.  You will cheer me each step along the way to victory.  I love You so much, I trust You.  I know that I can fall on my face, cry out to You and You will move the mountains in my life.  You will never, ever leave me.  I lift my arms up in surrender. 

How different our Lord is.  The enemy of our soul would say, “forget it”.  You’ve failed over and over again and there’s no hope for you.  What a lie!!!  With Jesus there is victory, with Jesus there is compassion, instead of judgment.  Something I learned from Londyn (imagine that).  The weekends I have with Londyn are incredible.  Both of us have fun, I give into almost every whim that she has.  We are both totally out of control (okay, so I admitted it).  She wants, I give.  Right or wrong, that’s the way it is….so by the time she gets back to her Mom, she’s kinda hesitant and wants to stay with Meme.  That happened this weekend.  When she was leaving with her Mom, I had this thought.  “Sometimes, Mary Ann, you live “the weekend” mentality all during the week.  Your pamper and give your flesh all its desires.  Would Londyn benefit with being spoiled all the time?  She needs boundaries, it makes her secure.  Her Mom lovingly guides her to maintain many disciplines that will make her a better person.  She has to learn that just because she wants something, it won’t necessarily be good for her.”

I go back to that Scripture that I had last week.  “the sluggard craves and gets nothing, the desires of the diligent are satisfied”.  It has gotten me “out of the chair” (so to speak).  I believe that You are speaking to me loudly through this Word.  I “feel” the security when You put this boundary in front of me.  You are giving me a choice to do this or that.  I choose life, I choose to have the desires of my heart fulfilled.  I know that I  can do all things through Christ Jesus who gives me the strength.  He has overcome death, hell and the grave.  Today I will listen to Him as He gives me the boundaries that will cause me to have success.  Even on my worst day, it’s always better listening and obeying the voice of the Holy Spirit.  Sure I will have those weekend “meme” days, He delights to give me the desires of my heart.  But….life is more about living with boundaries and the daily routines.  Today I am

Within the boundaries,

Mary Ann